It’s been awhile. April 26, 2011

I’m not sure if anyone really reads these and it’s fine if not. It’s kind of nice having this cause it’s like a diary…except a very public diary. So I guess it’s not much like a diary at all. haha! Oh well. It’s a place to vent.

Between this post and my last post I had a seasonal job at Bath and Body Works. It was ok. I think the managers must have been stressed cause they could get really snappy, but again, I credit that to stress. Well that job ended in January and I’ve been job hunting since then. Last week the local library called and I am now the assistant librarian! I was so happy when they called. Literally danced around the house for like ten minutes. The library is one of my favorite places to hangout.

Today’s not too bad. I’m going to hangout with some of my friends a little later and go to the beach.
Ok. I’ve think I’ve finally come to terms with something. I’m an unimportant loner. People don’t really tell others about me or talk to me a lot. I’m really bad at having conversations so that’s part of why I’m quiet. I end up saying something stupid and having people laugh at me. Or I talk too fast and people just kind of slowly back away. No but seriously, I always seem to be alone. People hardly make it a point to say hi to me, no one’s ever run up to me for a hug, if I don’t say anything we end up going our separate ways without speaking a word to each other. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m anti-social, just…like an extra puzzle piece. I just don’t seem to fit in anywhere. I’m like the piece that gets pushed and mashed until it kind of fits but then pulled out as soon as the proper piece is found.

People confide in me (which is great cause I’m boss at keeping secrets) but then they end up leaving. Or they just kind of keep me at an arms length. I’m no ones “best friend.” I’m just a friend that sits in the wings, cheering everyone on while keeping a smile on my face, hoping no one sees me break.

I’m learning to be ok with this. If I can learn to be ok on my own, well that’d be ok. Not that I don’t want friends! I love my friends more than I can put into words! It’s just…when people say certain things, it’s hard to understand. People give me praise (I’m not being conceited. People really do say I’m polite and wonderful) but that almost makes it worse. I’m insecure. Not because anyone’s been mean or rude. I’m insecure because I’ve never been anyones “everything.” I’ve never been such a big part of anyones life, just a small part of a lot of people’s. I hope they enjoyed the time when I was their friend. I always tried to be encouraging, complementing them on things, being there through the hard times, waiting for them to calm down, accepting apologies, and striving to be the “best friend.” I guess I’ve never been enough. I know I don’t open up to people a lot. Honestly? It’s because I’m scared. I’m scared that people will think I’m odd and strange. I like myself for who I am. I’m insecure. So? A lot of people are. I’m good at hiding it. I’m good at acting like nothing’s wrong. I’m good at holding back tears. And that’s fine with me. I value everyone else’s happiness much more than my own and I’m honestly ok with that because when I have to chance to make someone happy, it makes me happy. I’d rather know that I’ll have little pieces of happiness as opposed to having perpetual happiness and then having that huge weight crash down.

Sorry for all that! I’ve really needed to vent for awhile. Thanks for letting me spill.
And don’t worry. I’m not depressed and I’m not going to do anything stupid.

Goodnight/Goodmorning! Hope you have a wonderfully random day/night!

Random fact: Octopi have no blind spots. Pretty spiffy!

Trust? August 27, 2010

Hey! I don’t know about you but I hate when people assume things about me that are untrue. Some of my friends are convinced that they can’t tell me anything because I “spilled” to someone. I would never give away anyone’s secrets. I’ve had way to many people break my trust and I would never put anyone through that kind of pain. I struggle with self confidence and when my friend told me that they think I tell peoples secrets, I think it went down another notch. It hurts to have your secrets told but it hurts even more for others to think that you’re untrustworthy.

Sorry for the emotional dump! You probably don’t have trouble with stuff like this. I hate feeling so stupid. I want to be myself around people, but I’m such a dork. I don’t want people to look down on me…Cue the stupid tears! Dang I hate going through emotional stress! Alright. I’m gonna suck it up and pretend nothing’s wrong…I don’t recommend doing that. Tell people how you feel. If you have a really close friend, confide in them. Please, don’t torture yourself like I am. I don’t like actually talking to people about deep stuff. It makes me feel selfish and I highly dislike that feeling. :’(

Goodnight/Good morning! Have a wonderfully random night/day!

Why is life so boring right now? August 10, 2010

Right now my life consists of cleaning my room, sleeping, eating, and making stuff. I’m really sick of doing nothing. Does anyone have suggestions?

This is really short because I don’t have anything going on right now. School starts up in a few weeks so I’ll write about that sooner than later.

Goodnight!

New Computer! July 30, 2010

I’m so happy! I totally forgot to post this last time! I am now the proud owner of a Macbook! It’s so much fun to surf the web now. It’s super fast, it can stay in my room or go to the mall, and I can bookmark all my craft sites! It’s pretty much perfect for my personality (if that makes sense).

Speaking of crafty! If you go to http://www.theecochic.com/2010/07/28/trash-to-treasure-thursday-with-generation-t/ you can enter to win one of Megan Nicolay’s tee books. I posted about them but it’s been awhile. I haven’t checked one of the books out for a long time but I would love to add one to my library of craft books! I haven’t really posted about my projects for a long time either…Allow me to digress.

I am currently working on a wrap for my camera and a case for my computer. I’m having a little trouble with Gretel but I’m going to try and figure out what’s wrong today. I think the thread might have gotten snarled in the bobbin case. I made some gauntlets using the pattern from 108 Ways to Transform a T-shirt. They came out a little snug because I used like two inches of seam allowance, but they worked. I also made a braided necklace and a hairband from the scraps when I made my t-skirt. I love how t-shirts can be made into pretty much anything. It’s amazing how creative people can be with one or two pieces of fabric.

I’m really excited/nervous for my fall semester at college. I have American National Government, Western Humanities, and Understanding Art. I’m pretty sure I’ll like Humanities and Art but I’m a little apprehensive about the Government class. It’s just never really been that interesting to me. Oh well. I’ll live.

Random fact time! Your foot is the same length as your forearm! I just confirmed that too. Your toes should come up to your wrist and your heel should touch your inner elbow.

Have a wonderfully random day!

It’s been awhile. July 26, 2010

So it’s been forever since I’ve posted anything on here. No one that I follow has posted in awhile either. I miss the updates people! I guess I’ll catch you up on what I’ve been doing this summer…

College of course! It was fun and just ended this past Thursday. I took Humanities and Composition 2 and they were fun! I got to learn a ton about India, China, and Japan, in Humanities. I got to do a presentation on the food in Japan and it was so fun! I learned so much about the traditions and customs of the food there. I even got to make food for the class! I made these things called onigiri (you should google it) and they were very yummy!
In Comp 2 I got to write more stuff (naturally) and I got to write a poem. I also got to “write” a drama that my friends and I filmed. My teacher ended up not needing it because I edited one for some of my classmates.

Well I’ve gotta go now but I will post again soon!

Holy muffins! June 9, 2010

Goodknees! I haven’t posted anything in months! what should I talk about? The college courses I’m taking over summer? The fact that Gretel hasn’t seen the sun for weeks? Or perhaps the fact that someone just scared the crud outta me by ringing the doorbell like a mad person and then banging on the door?
I feel bad for Gretel so I’ll write about her first. Nothing’s wrong with her but I simply don’t have enough time to sew anything these days. I’d absolutely love to sew a circle skirt out of all my scraps but alas…college.
I started summer classes a few weeks ago(hence no posts) and they stress me out so much! They’re fun and I enjoy them, but that doesn’t lowers the stress factor at all. Oh well. I won’t focus on the stress.
So someone just rang my doorbell like five times and hit the door when I didn’t answer it. My little brother was at runners group so I thought maybe it was him trying to scare me…then I remembered that he had taken his keys with him and he would be in huuuge trouble if he scared me. I’m blogging to relieve some of the stress and freaked-outedness. And because it’s fun.
OOOOOHHH! I know that I’ve suggested several other books and musicians, but this is by far the coolest book I’ve ever read! It’s about this guy who’s trying to find out what it means to be a christian. It’s a true story and it’s flipping amazing. I’ve only read three chapters and I’ve already cried about five times. There’s this part where he’s talking to a seven-year old homeless girl and he asks what she wants to be when she grows up…she says she wants to own a grocery store so she can give food to all the hungry people. Even if you’re not a christian it’s a very cool book. I guess I should probably tell you what the book is called.
*Dramatic pause while I run upstairs to get it off my bed*
It’s by Shane Claiborne and it’s called “The Irresistable Revolution, living as an ordinary radical.”
Toodles!

Confused yet not confused..? May 11, 2010

I really don’t like when friendships go awry. It’s too stressful. One minutes we’re best friends, the next, you hate me and it’s all my fault. I’m sorry but I won’t let you take your anger out on me. If you feel the need to walk all over me, I’ll feel the need to walk away. I’ll still be there for you, I just won’t be a doormat that collects all of your anger. I’ll listen to what you have to say and take it all to heart, but the second you turn into your evil twin, I’m gone.

Sorry. I had to vent a little. There’s some people that are hurting me emotionally right now I’ve been losing sleep and crying a lot over it. I feel like it’s my fault but I know I haven’t done anything wrong. It’s a tough ordeal that I hope you never have to go through.

Anywho! On a better note, I feel a little better now and I think I’ll be ok when I see them tomorrow.

Thanks for reading!

Life in general April 28, 2010

I just got the sudden urge to blog. I woke up at six this morning so I could go to the gym but my backs thrown out sooo…I came home and started doing yoga. My bible was laying next to me(I do yoga in my bedroom) so I pulled it out and flipped to one of my favorite verses. It’s Romans 12:6-20 if you want to look it up. I don’t like it when people post verses because I feel like they’re trying to force Jesus onto whoever reads it. I don’t believe in a book, I believe in a person. I don’t mean I don’t believe in the bible. I do, but I don’t read it and then go “ok. I’m a Christian because I read the bible.” You shouldn’t have a “religion”, you should have a relationship. I’m going back to the ol’ don’t become a zombie spiel. I dislike the churches where you repeat everything the pastor says, because…really? What are you going to get out of repeating something? I go to church and youth group and I love it. Our “belief” or motto is “Love God, Love People”. It sounds easy(and it’s not that hard really) but you have to give your all and trust in Him. If someone is super rude or mean to you, just pretend nothing happened. I’ve had to do this so many times. I’ve gone through rough spots where I would cry whenever I thought about certain people. I’ve slowly learned to love and how to be loved. It’s easy to say you love Him, but think about how much He loves us. I remember all the little white lies I’ve told and all the mean things I said(loooong ago. Not recently) and I wonder how such an amazing person could possibly love me.

There I go ranting again. Please don’t feel like I’m pushing this on you. I’m not in any way trying to “convert” you or whatever, I just felt like venting and I’ve had a lot of stuff on my mind. This was the first thing that came to mind. If you believe, great! If you don’t, I don’t judge people, lots of my friends are non-christian and I don’t pressure them to change. I just really love God.

So I tried making a skirt with actual fabric and I failed. Again. Bleh. I started making paper beads again because quite frankly I’m a little tired of fighting with fabric. I do need more clothes though. Two weeks ago I was attempting a split in jeans(don’t try at home..or anywhere) and ended up splitting the jeans up the crotch. I did the splits though! It hurt. Now I’m down to two skirts. One’s white and I wear black leggings underneath and I also wear the one I made.

Random fact: I’m on my iPod so it’s a fact about me. I have to go eat breakfast…like now.

Toodles!

Checking me out? April 13, 2010

Ahahahaha! My little brother keeps saying “People are checking you out?” So cute! Not like that. Twould be a tad creeperish if that were the case. I actually enjoy blogging now that I know what I write might be a tiny bit interesting. Is it interesting? I find it horribly boring but perhaps you find it humorous. Any ideas for future posting subjects?

I named my sewing machine! Well actually my friend named it. Gretel! And I named my sewing box Hansel because it’s an old fishing tackle box and fishing makes me think of guys. Get it? Hansel and Gretel! I love that story…except the oven part. That part’s kinda sad/gross. Anywho! I’m sort of mad at myself right now. I wasted four really super sweet shirts while trying to make a pair of pants yesterday. They were supposed to be the gaucho pants from the Generation T: 120 ways to transform your t-shirt. It only uses two shirts but I crashed and burned twice. I’ll try to salvage the fabric and make something else…maybe non clothing. Although the skirt came out wonderfully! Meh, whatever. In the words of Dory, “Just keep swimming!”

College went well today. I don’t think I’ve ever had a “bad” day. The only day I remember that wasn’t pleasant was when I had a migraine during composition last fall. Speaking of composition! I got into three classes this summer: Comp 2, Ethics, and East/West Humanities. So I’m looking forward to a summer of cramming and late night studying. Oh well! Better to get it out of the way now.

Oh dear. I can’t think of anything else to write. This is quite disappointing. I plan on getting more shirts from the thrift store tomorrow because they’re all fifty cents on Wednesdays. Maybe I’ll post something about the thrift store after I go.

Random Fact: The can opener was invented 48 years after the can…How did they open the can before that?!

Mac and cheese April 10, 2010

I think I just made/ate the best maccaroni I’ve ever had. I don’t usually brag but this was some good stuff. Technically I didn’t make it, Kraft did. So I would like to thank all the wonderful people at Kraft for making such amazing food!

In sewing news! I made a skirt and it didn’t completely fail. The only thing I did wrong was make the waistband a tad too big. Twas simple to fix though! I just added a drawstring. It’s kinda funny looking though. I used two tee shirts, red and black. The red one said “Yes! There really is a Kalamazoo!” and the way I sewed the panels together, it’s right over my tush. I’ve received some odd looks while wearing it but I don’t really care. I made it and I like it so I’ll wear it proudly. *posing heroically* Go anti-conformists! make your mark and let no one put you down!

Ahem…sorry. I had people try to turn me into a “zombie” and I’m sick of it. I’ll repress my non-conformist now and get back to whatever I was previously talking about.

What was I talking about?! Darn memory!

*intermission while I scroll back to see what I wrote*

Got it! I love my sewing machine! I want to name it. I’m not weird or anything, I just enjoy naming things. Will you please help me name it?

Let’s catch up on my week a little bit. Wednesday I had youth group which is always fun. We played some kind of name game that always has everyone confused by the end. Thursday I had speech class at college. I had the crud scared outta me! Some guy did his speech on why we should believe in ghosts and he had all these videos. I don’t believe in ghosts but the shows are still creepy. Friday I went to the beach with some friends and now my shins looks like twin lobsters. I don’t get tan. I get burned to a crisp, stay red for a week, then go right back to being paler than pale. Very uncool. On to today! Today was my last day of working at Liberty Taxes! I’m happy/sad. It was a fun job but it was also very hot and sunny outside. I’m going to apply at some local grocery stores as a bakery assistant, because admit it, every little girl has dreamed of being a baker at some point or another.

WOAH! I just checked my stats on here and I got 18 views on the 4th! Thanks to whoever looked! I almost fell out of the chair while yelling “Dude! Dude! Oh my gosh! People looked at my blog!”. Now my little brother thinks I’m nuts.

If you want some cool craft books to try out, look into getting your hands on the Generation T books. The author is Megan Nicolay and there are two books. One is called “Generation T: 108 Ways to Transform a T-Shirt” and the second one is “Generation T: Beyond Fashion: 120 New Ways to Transform a T-Shirt”. I’ve rented these so many times from the library. I need to buy a copy of both of them so I can just have them. If you want to visit their site, here’s the link. http://www.generation-t.com/

Random Fact time! The word “lethologica” is when you can’t remember the word you want. I have that a lot..